Book of the Black Dog

We just came home from seeing "Men who stare at goats". Beautiful. I definitely could have made this film. Two goats up in Z formation. Delta bravo charlie dot come with a twist of lemon.

Heading out in a minute. Margalit is going to meet me at the parent's house where I'll drop off my car. Then we'll be headed to Fargo. To those who'll be there I'll see you there. To those that won't you'll be missed.

So I said that I had gone to the gym. Good thing. One of the specific muscle groups I worked was abs. Boy are they out of shape. Wed it took 40 situps on the ball to hit muscle failure. Today? 20... Yeah, ouch.

Yoinked from SF Signal



(I know I've been bad about posting lately. Once the unrelenting waves of illness cease, I'll get back to it more.)

his hand is out stretched holding air...?...God, Helen or Louis? who can know. I wish to see him in peace, in acceptance and comfort. I am disconnected, purposely I am not sure, it feels as if I haven't made that choice it just happens. A gift of space or vision from Them, capitol "T" Them, the Gods. A gift or my path aren't they the same? We have a choice to make to tell him it is the cancer once more stealing what is left of his life; bit by bit, minute to hour, hours to days, days to months. This cancer that has been here lurking and growing and changing. Another one, another tumor.Do we tell him? Best coming from those who love him or from those who try and fix him. Its hard to say how this could set back the last couple days of jokes, funny faces, sick gestures and peace; no anger. i am afraid. Afraid for him, can he stand another setback when he has yet to accept his fate as it stands; death, sooner or later. I want to see him in calm and what ever happiness can look like to a terminal patient. I wish for God to be holding his hand.

The pulmonary doctor asked me if I was a nurse.., I said "no I am his daughter and I love this man; and it's my job to ask the questions so he can understand". S said you should've told him not in this lifetime yet, but in several before. He's right many years ago I was given a reading from a past life; past life regression. She told me I was a nurse during war time(not the first time either) the long and short of it was I was the best at what I did, but could use a little work on my bed side manner :) My life lessons manifesting in the real world. I think I am doing better this time. A healer that is all I have ever wanted to be: first it was a paramedic(2x i thought this would be my favorite), a nurse like Hot lips Houlihan from M.A.S.H. or the pretty blonde from 1 Adam 12; and latest an herbalist. Maybe I need to re think this path...nurse with an emphasis on herbal medicines.

What I do feel is guilt. I knew dad wasn't right and hasn't been but he never listens to us. NO , not us mom, I do wish i had spoken up more. He does listen when i ask those questions or when I tell him what I think. I wonder why I didn't see it or feel it. Can I be a healer when I couldn't see his disease when it was taking over? I am saddened by our loss we have already lost a part of him; I feel guilty.

I had my annual flu vaccination today, my arm is a bit sore and achey but I know by experience that this will pass in a couple of days. A couple of years ago I missed the flu shot (cause who needs it anyway) and I was sicker than I think I have ever been in my life. I was literaly curled up on a chair trying not to move because my entire upper body hurt so badly, lets not even discuss the state of my head.

I am lucky I work at a State University and I have a thankfully low grade but documented asthma that puts me right at the top of the list of people getting the H1N1 vaccine here at Trinity College.

The H1N1 vaccine is manufactured exactly like the regular flu vaccine. It does contain mercury, but it contains less than an infant absorbs from his mothers breast milk in I think a week (nurses please correct me if I err here). In addition this kind of mercury leaves your body in about the same time 1 week.

Ultimately its a personal choice but I think that Statistics are on my side in this particular decision, I will be vaccinated and so will my daughter and my mother.

Here's my most sincere wish that you all stay healthy during this flu season, vaccine or no vaccine.

Not mine for once. I just got a call from Double E, "Because you travel and you know these things." She wanted advice on booking her tix to Costa Rica, was it a good price, etc... I gave her the advice she felt she needed and 'held' her hand while she actually booked them. She was so giddy. 1.5 yrs out of school/starting her own business *in this economy* and she is paying for herself to take a vacation not on this continent and miss a week's worth of pay to do it.

I am so proud of her. She's worked her ass off for this. Her stance is, "I'm a big girl now!"

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/newsfails/~3/65F900dTcsg/

http://probablybadnews.com/?p=1871

Via: Anon courtesy ofTennessee Tech Oracle

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. – Aristotle

Happy birthday,  krkhst !!!!      

I wish you horses, love and chocolate

I continue to be amused by the comics I love. No really. I get out of bed to read them. Then I do other things. I must love them.

Sooo tired. Not sure what is up. I don't feel ill, like I'm fighting something. Maybe I'm just trying to get things to work right again.

My muscles are sore from my workout. I walked hard for 35 minutes, worked 5 diff muscle groups with weight machines, practiced poi for about 10 minutes and swam 6 laps. I felt pretty good but I went home later and slept hard for 3 hours...

I have knitting projects again. Wheee!

Its only 10:30 and I could nap. Off to clean up the house. L arrives tomorrow.

http://survivingtheworld.net/Recitation32.html

An update about her dad:

"Surgery went well they cleared the "lung junk" and the drainage tubes will finish clearing the air pockets and help with drainage. The cancer has spread from the liver up thru the diaphragm and is causing the situation with the lung. This is a new tumor. ugh. Pray for his mental clarity and peace. This I am afraid will be a huge set back for his mental status, which has been angry."

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/newsfails/~3/k6JjIbZxzgo/

http://probablybadnews.com/?p=1869

Via: Anon from the Submission Page

So, remember dear readers: all Canadians are innocuous.

-The Paper Boy

Here's those plans again, this one is the main floor, it's slightly cut off on the right cause the scanner didn't have room. If you click on it and follow the link to flickr you can see the top floor.

Yo people at large. I need a little help with some rain. My rugby team has been practicing in the rain for the last month. We love it and are well versed with playing our best in challenging weather. Rain also is an excellent equalizer for rugby. So with that in mind, when my team goes to play Berkley in San Francisco later on today (aka Friday) I would like a little help with bringing some rain. So put some thought out to the universe for rain in the bay for my team.

Thanks in advance.

Urg.... having problems getting anything to flow. I think of ideas while driving but by the time I get to paper/keyboard it goes WHIF!

May this next year of your life bring you more adventures and love.

You might want headphones if you are at work.... or around young impressionable children.

Powerthirst 1, 2, and Gay edition (2 is my favorite)

But...

MOTHER FUCKER.

I got a crappy assignment for four days. Today, tomorrow (my birthday), Monday and Tuesday. Monday and Tuesday are in Northfield (for those not in the Twin Cities area, that's 50 miles from my home) but it was money, and I was trying to be a team player for the Agency so they would have me on the top of thier list for assignments.

The job itself is insanely boring and crappy. But you know I's doing the best I could at it today.

I get a call right at the end of the day from one of the girls at the Agency with a temp-to-perm job that is PERFECT for me and would start next Wednesday, after this assignment ended. Yay - dancing and joy ensued.

Then, after calling and sharing my happy around, I get a second call from a different girl at the Agency. Will I be done with this crappy job by Tuesday?


WHAT? When do I get to say when an assignment ends? NEVER. And now the job I really want I might not get because this assignment may be longer?!? That was NEVER MENTIONED when I took this assignment! Because I wouldn't have wanted to put 300 fucking miles on my goddamn truck for this crappy job!

If I don't get the temp to perm job, please expect a complete and utter melt down from me. That is all.